


To the Past...

by Lamaisonblack



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-10 12:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamaisonblack/pseuds/Lamaisonblack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You miss her, don't you?" asked Snow, interrupting her thoughts. "I beg your pardon?" Regina asked, turning her head to face Snow, hands gripping the railing even tighter. "Emma." she answered, not taking her eyes off the sunset "You miss her." Post 3X11 FTL. Snow and Regina bro it out, after coming together in their grief. 100% Swan Queen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home, Love, Family...?

Regina sighed as she stood at the balcony, staring out into the land she was so intent on escaping thirty years prior. She gripped the railing as the weight of her situation washed over her in yet another wave of grief. Replaying the moment she saw the yellow bug drive away in her mind, she felt the warm stream of tears down her cheek be cooled by the breeze that had picked up the moment she set foot outside. 

“A...are you alright, Regina?” came Snow’s voice from behind her. Irritated, she wiped her tears as discreetly as she could and turned.

“And just what are you doing out here, Snow?” she asked, forcing the venom in her voice more than she usually had to.

“I just...wanted to check on you. We’re all suffering through this..and I just thought maybe you could use some company out here.” she answered, walking slowly toward the railing, looking out into the distance herself. “we don’t have to talk, you know. We can just stand here, looking out at the place that doesn’t feel like home...together.”

“Care to tell me just how exactly that would benefit me?” she asked, looking at Snow, who looked back at her and smiled sadly as she spoke.

“I think you’ve spent enough time alone, Regina. I know I can’t even begin to understand what you’re feeling, but I lost a child in this, too. I know that the last thing I want in this is to sit around by myself and let my mind wander to all the awful things that could be happening, so far beyond my control…”

Regina sighed.

“Fine. You may stay out here, but only if you promise not to continue speaking.” she snapped, as she looked back out at the horizon. Snow smiled and looked back out at their surroundings as well, leaving Regina to her thoughts. The sun was beginning to set, casting a beautiful yellow hue across the sky. At first, it reminded her once again of the bug with a terrible pang of pain, only to then slightly shift and instead look like a certain shade of blonde hair. Her breath caught in her throat as she quickly looked down at her hands instead, unsure of how to handle herself in this moment. She knew she needed to get away from Snow but exactly how, -

“You miss her, don’t you?” asked Snow, interrupting her thoughts.

“I beg your pardon?” Regina asked, turning her head to face Snow, hands gripping the railing even tighter.

“Emma.” she answered, not taking her eyes off the sunset “You miss her.”

“Just what exactly are you insinuating??” she asked, her voice every bit as menacing as she could muster. Instead of being in any way intimidated, Snow looked over at her, a small smile creeping up on her lips.

“Regina. I know you don’t think I know you...but I know love when I see it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Snow White.” she said, the venom in her voice sounding less and less convincing.

“You don’t have to admit it out loud, but -”

“I thought I said no talking!” interrupted Regina, her voice cracking ever so slightly. Snow rolled her eyes with a smile and went back to looking at the sun in its final burst of light as it coated the sky in a spectacular red. She waited until only a slight tinge of red could be seen in the horizon before speaking again.

“You have to have hope, Regina. She’ll find us. I know she will.” she placed a tentative hand on Regina’s and continued “She’ll come back here and bring Henry...and we can all be a happy family.” Regina turned and looked at her, not surprised to see tears forming in her eyes. Snow would hope for that, despite the countless odds stacked against them.

“Snow, I-I can’t.” she managed to say, her voice trembling as she wrenched her hand out of her grip and turned away.

“Regina! Wait! We can talk about this.” she said, following her back into the castle. Regina whirled around.

“I assure you, Snow White, that regardless of whatever family you think we can be, the very last person I want to look upon or talk to in this moment is you.” she said, perfectly channeling the Evil Queen role she used to so easily slip into.

“Really, Regina? Then, go ahead and tell me why you’re here, of all places.” Snow said flatly.  
Regina swallowed, taken back by the nerve of her former nemesis.

“I just...my own castle is potentially full of untold dangers. Several people have reason to want me dead, Snow. Why on earth would I go to my own castle and risk that, when I can stay comfortably here in the protection of you and your noble prince Charming?” she knew as the words were coming out that she was terribly far from being in the least bit convincing. Still, she stuck by them, smirking in a way she felt she normally would, despite knowing it was coming off as fake and forced.

“Don’t give me that crap, Regina.” Snow said, stepping closer “I know you’ve given us all that same excuse...but don’t you think maybe there’s more? Don’t you think that maybe, just maybe we’re the only family you’ve got left; the only tie to them you have?” she noticed Regina’s eyes welling and fell silent.

“Well, I suppose that is my cue to depart. I’ll be packing up my things and leaving for my own dwellings in the morning. Goodnight, Snow White” she said, turning on her heel, trying desperately to blink away the tears she felt coming. Before she could get very far, though, Snow grabbed her arm.

“Look. I’m sorry. Regina, listen to me. We don’t always have to like it...hell, it’s going to be pretty awful a lot of the time, but we are family. Regardless of how you and I get along, Henry is going to be there, acting as a link between us.” Regina looked down at the ground in front of her, not acknowledging Snow’s words in any way. “I’m not going to force you to open up to me. I just hate the thought of everyone suffering alone, despite grieving the same loss…” Snow’s voice trembled as she trailed off. Finally, Regina nodded once, not taking her eyes off the ground as Snow cleared her throat.

“Then, there’s the whole you-being-in-love-with-my-daughter thing that will likely keep us in each other’s lives, too…” Snow said with a small smile, looking to lighten the mood at least a little. At that, Regina looked up. Snow noticed that as she did so, her eyes lit up for the first time since they’d been sent back there. Naturally, this only lasted a split second before her face fell once more into the empty look of sadness it so frequently displayed these days.

“You know nothing of that” Regina finally said in quiet voice, her eyes finding the window behind Snow.

“Clearly, I am more perceptive than you think, Regina. And thanks to you” her voice taking on a playful tone “I know exactly what it’s like to be torn away from one’s True Love” At those final words, Regina looked into Snow eyes, a mixture of alarm and confusion written upon her face.

“True Love? I suppose you are as dim-witted as I had always assumed.”

“I know it's crazy...trust me, I was in denial for a long time about it. I kept thinking there had to be some other explanation, that there's was no way the woman whose sole purpose was to ruin my life for so long would be destined to fall for my daughter...but it became difficult to reason away the facts."

"There are no 'facts', snow. Stop with this foolishness." Regina snapped, despite the tears Snow could see forming in her eyes.

"I didn't want to believe it, either. But I had to start thinking about it this way: were any couple other than you two showing the same level of MAGIC simply by touching, it wouldn't even be questioned. And that's without even considering the ways you two look at each other..." as much as she tried to will her body to continue storming away, to lock herself in the room she had been staying in and plot the eventual gruesome murder of Snow White and her precious prince, she couldn’t. Instead, Regina found herself crumbling into that very same woman’s arms as sobs shook her to her core. They slowly slid down onto the ground, leaning up against a wall, Snow’s arms wrapped gently around Regina’s shoulders as Regina sobbed more than she ever had in her life. Tears also escaped Snow’s eyes as she contemplated her predicament. She meant what she said, however. Regina was family, and needed her help. She sighed and began rubbing Regina’s back gently as the sobs began to calm.

“She loves you too, you know…” Snow’s voice softly rang out.

“Oh, and just how would you know that?” Regina said bitterly, dying her cheeks with her hands.

“Mother’s intuition” Snow said proudly. At this, Regina began laughing. The idea of Snow being in any way an actual maternal figure was so ridiculous to her that she couldn’t help but to laugh. It might have been due to her emotional and physical exhaustion, but Regina couldn’t stop laughing. Bewildered by the sight, Snow began to laugh. It continued into hysteria, until both women were gasping for air, tears rolling down their faces.

Regina sighed with a shaky breath as the laughter finally subsided.

“We’ll get them back. Both of them.” Said Snow  
“You sound so sure.” Regina answered, too exhausted to snap back with her usual venom.  
“That’s because I am. I believe in Emma” she turned her head to look at Regina “and I believe in your love. If they aren’t enough to get through this, I don’t know what is” Regina turned her head to her and offered a small yet kind smile.  
“And look on the bright side!” Snow said after a moment’s pause “It’s not like it can get much worse…”  
"Is that a challenge, dear?" Regina asked, a playful smile tugging on the corners of her lips. Snow’s face fell, her eyes wide. She shook her head.  
"Please, no. Family, remember?" she said in mock-fear.  
Regina sighed, her mouth still quirked in a half-smile.  
“Yes...family.” she said under her breath as her head leaned back against the wall and her eyelids started to fall, heavy with sleep. In minutes, she was snoring.

Though she didn’t show that she had heard, Snow’s heart lifted just a little at the words. Maybe they’d actually get through this. Her and Regina. 

Family.


	2. One Step At A Time

Regina woke with a start, wondering when she fell asleep. Her stomach dropped when she realized she had been resting her head on Snow’s shoulder. She got up, realizing Snow had also fallen asleep.  
“Did you mean what you said earlier? About this place not feeling like home?” Regina’s voice broke through the silence, startling Snow.  
“Oh..yeah” snow said in a sleepy voice “I know this place is supposed to be home, and that being back is supposed to be all I’ve ever wanted...but without her here, it doesn’t feel right. And I know that even if she were here, it wouldn’t feel like home, either...I just wish we could go back…” she looked up through tear-filled lashes at Regina, who nodded in understanding.  
“Sorry to have ruined this place for you in the process of my cursing you into unhappiness. That, I’m afraid, was entirely unintentional” she said, her voice laced with sadness.  
“Funny, isn’t it? How things changed...a year ago, I would have given anything to be here...and now, I’d give anything to go back”. When Regina didn’t answer, Snow continued “I just wish I had known how precious it was when we still had it.”  
“I knew.” Regina said simply, staring ahead blankly. Snow nodded but didn’t speak, plunging them once more into a strangely comfortable silence.

“I’m not a woman of many regrets, Snow White.” began Regina a few moments later “ In fact, as you recall, I had none”

“Yes, I remember.” answered snow.

“And yet, I cannot shake the regret I feel for not holding your daughter when I had the chance. I regret not taking her in my arms and telling her how I felt, despite knowing for quite some time of my own feelings. I regret letting her slip away. I regret trying for so long to push her away. I regret so much when it comes to Emma Swan and now there is nothing I can do about it.” at those words, the tears flowed freely down Regina’s cheeks once more. This time, however, she shrugged away Snow’s embrace, not wanting to be comforted by her former nemesis. 

“You’ll get your chance, Regina. When she and Henry come back here, you can run to her and take her in your arms, showing her all the feelings you’ve had all along…” Snow had her hands clasped together, getting carried away with her romantic imaginings.

“Snow, stop.” Regina interrupted sternly.

“Sorry, I’m just excited. Things are going to be perfect when she comes back to us”

“She’s not coming back, Snow.” she finally snapped.

“What do you mean?” Snow asked, her face falling. Regina sighed before continuing.

“The curse...when Emma and Henry left Storybrooke, they lost all memories of us and of the town” Snow gasped, eyes watering once more.  
“So...she doesn’t remember anything? Any of us?” she asked, her tiny voice trembling.

“I’m afraid not. I was able to gift them a fake life, much like those I gave you all in Storybrooke...but she doesn’t remember anything that transpired in the last few years. As far as she or Henry know, they’ve lived together since the day he was born. Happy. A family.” her voice cracked on the last word. Beside her, Snow sobbed quietly. Regina raised her hand and placed it on Snow’s, in an attempt to comfort her. Realizing how bizarre and uncomfortable that was, she removed it a couple seconds later, wondering what on earth was happening to her.

“That’s really beautiful, you know” Snow said finally, sniffling.

“What is?” Regina asked, failing to see any beauty in all the misery of the situation.

“What you did. Giving them a good life...together. They deserve it, you know. To be happy.” Regina nodded, looking down at her hands, unsure of what else to do.

“You deserve it too, Regina.” she managed to choke out between sobs “Happiness.”

Regina’s mouth quirked in a bitter half smile at Snow’s words.

“I feel as though the curse was designed to remove only the possibility of my own happiness, all along. It’s rather fitting, really” at these words Snow shook her head, her face still covered in tears.

“I don’t believe that for one second, Regina. It may have taken your happiness right now, but we WILL get it back. If it’s the last thing I ever do, I will make sure Emma gets back here and you get the chance to tell her how you feel and you and she can raise Henry TOGETHER. I WILL make sure my family gets a happy ending.” she said, sounding certain, despite the shakiness in her voice. At this, Regina looked up at her and gave her a small smile. She knew there was no use arguing with Snow’s undying optimism. She had literally just told her that her daughter was off in another land, with absolutely no recollection of any of them even existing, and yet this woman still held on to some tiny grain of hope that it would all work out. It was in this moment that she felt a twinge of jealousy over the fact that she was not blessed with such optimism. She knew too well the reality of the situation. Her son and the woman she loved were gone forever. If she dared hope, she knew the blow would be even more crushing when the reality of the situation came crashing down on her once more.

“Regina, I’d like to show you something” came Snow’s voice, breaking the silence after a few minutes had gone by. She got back up on her feet, turning to offer Regina a hand in getting up. After a moment’s hesitation, Regina accepted the outstretched hand and stood next to Snow. She followed the other woman as she led her down the hall and up a staircase to a closed door. 

Regina held her breath when they reached the door in question.  
“What is this, Snow?” she asked

Snow opened the door and motioned Regina to follow her in. 

“The room we had for Emma. I come here whenever I want to feel her close to me…” she said quietly, her voice still raw with emotion. Regina took a tentative step in, looking at the bedroom around her. It struck her in this moment how much Snow didn’t actually know her own daughter. This room felt nothing like Emma. It was but the shadow of Snow White’s expectations, left behind after the curse. Still, Regina understood the significance of Snow bringing her to see it. She looked at the woman’s face and saw no trace of malice or ill intent in her actions. So, instead of bringing up the ways in which this was ridiculous, Regina walked over to the unicorn mobile, placed above the bed laid out for baby Emma and ran her hands across it, letting the glass figures gently clink against each other.

“Thank you, Snow.” she said, looking up at Snow, who looked as though she had been waiting anxiously for a response. “This means a lot to me..” Snow nodded in a way that told her she didn’t need to express it any further.

Suddenly, loud footsteps were heard coming closer. In moments, Charming was in the doorway, a look of alarm on his face. His features relaxed when he saw Snow.

“I awoke and saw you still hadn’t come to bed, Snow. I was worried…” his eyes fell on Regina, who still stood over Emma’s basonnette “What is she doing in here?? Taking a moment to revel in the life she snatched away from us so many years ago??” Regina’s eyes fell, unsure of how to respond. She awaited the continuation of his rant, but instead was surprised by a little voice next to her, coming to her rescue.

“Now, you leave her alone.” came Snow’s voice, trembling “She’s going through this as much as any of us...I brought her in here because I thought she would enjoy it…”

“Enjoy it, right.” he scoffed “Enjoy what, Snow? The thought of the life that could have been? Why would this bring her any comfort, other than the enjoyment she gets out of our misery??” 

“Because it was hers…” Regina said quietly, finally looking up at his now very confused face. 

“Now, if you are all done with this foolishness” she said, regaining her Queen-like mannerisms with a sniff “I’m going to try to get some sleep in this godforsaken castle” 

She stormed back up to her own room, leaving Snow and Charming to fight out their own battles. She delicately placed the glass unicorn she had sneakily taken off the mobile before Charming’s interruption on her bedside table. She had been wrong about Emma’s room. As silly as it was, as much as it didn’t feel like a room Emma would approve of, it was proof that Emma Swan, her Emma Swan existed in a realm other than that of her dreams. It was something she could touch, feel, and smell..and know that once upon a time, Emma had been there.

And that...well, that was worth everything, she thought as she gave the unicorn one last look before laying her head down for a particularly restless night of sleep.


End file.
